(And guys, this is for you too, since way too many of you are still being assholes to your women.)
Why are you still arguing with the person you're supposed to love the most in your life? Why are you correcting them, arguing them, even interrupting them to do so? Why do you do it every time they open their mouths to speak?
Let me illustrate with a couple of episodes. These are real. Only the names have been changed.
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EPISODE 1: The Texting Conversation
Your spouse or significant other just had an exciting text conversation with somebody, and they're dying to tell you about it. So they say "I just swapped a bunch of texts with Amanda Martinez," and they start telling you about it.
After a couple of sentences, you interrupt them: "Martinez ...?"
They answer, "Yeah ..."
This is when you correct them with your superior knowledge. "I don't think her name is Martinez."
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EPISODE 2: The iTunes Playlist
You have some friends over for a party. There's good music playing. Your friends say, "This is a cool music." Your spouse or significant other says, "Yeah! It's a playlist of Phil Collins' greatest hits that I made yesterday."
This is when you correct them with your superior knowledge. "That's not Phil Collins!"
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WHAT DO DO ABOUT IT:
Before you open your mouth to argue with your loved one, STOP. Ask yourself these three questions.
- Are you sure they're wrong?
You could both be right, you know. Maybe Amanda recently got married. One of you is thinking of her maiden name and one of you is thinking of her married name. Both names are right. - Does it matter?
If your spouse is telling a story from their college days, it doesn't really matter if the trip was 30 miles or 50 miles. You may think it matters, but IT REALLY DOESN'T. Just shut the fuck up and let the moment pass. Likewise, it really doesn't matter if they refer to Amanda by her maiden name or her married name. You both know who she is. - Will speaking up about it strengthen your relationship? Or, looking at it from the other direction, will being silent about it damage your relationship?
If you can answer an honest and enthusiastic "yes" to all three of those questions, then by all means, speak up! But if you can't, then SHUT THE FUCK UP!
What's your real motivation in arguing with them?
Do they really benefit from your constant corrections? Is it making them a better person?
Does proving they're wrong, over and over again, give you more power - more control in the relationship?
Do you feel a need to keep them in their place?
Do you think they really enjoy your constant picking at them? Have they ever thanked you for it? I can tell you straight up, that they usually walk away thinking, "... What an asshole." Is that really what you want them to think?
Are you just trying to shut them up?
If one of these is your reason for arguing with them, then SHUT THE FUCK UP.
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT:
Were they always wrong like this when you first fell in love with them? And you fell in love with them anyway? Then your own judgment is terribly flawed. You made a terrible mistake. If your judgment was so bad back then, then what on earth makes you feel qualified to point out their flaws now? You're nothing but a goddamned, fucking idiot.
Are they really so terrible - such awful specimens of humanity - that you feel the need to constantly point out their flaws and their mistakes to them? If so, why did you bother to get married (or whatever)? Why don't you just get up your courage to end the relationship and walk away? If they're so flawed, I'm sure you can find somebody better.
Because if you don't, someday they will.
POSTSCRIPTS
p.s. I'm pretty sure that when their phone displays "Amber Martinez texted you," it really means Martinez.
p. p.s. I'm also pretty sure that when they searched for "Phil Collins" on iTunes in order to build their playlist, they meant Phil Collins, and they only downloaded Phil Collins tunes.
p.p.p.s. By the way, if you're guilty of doing this, then you are a pompous, self-important, stuck-up, asshole. Just thought you should know.
p.p.p.p.s. You're saying, "It's not constantly". Oh, trust me, it's constantly. You just don't realize it. Look up "fundamental attribution error" on Google, cuz you're doing it.
