We are constantly making observations about our fellow travelers on this rocky orb, Sometimes we impulsively blurt those observations out loud. The words we choose to articulate our observations matter more than we think.
"Whoa! You're cold!" is, at its core, a value judgment, or at least the announcement of a defect in the other person. It states the obvious, and it does nothing to help the cold person feel better (or warmer). Implied in the observation is the smug, self-satisfied other shoe: "... but I'm not."
On the other hand, "Whoa! I need to warm you up or something!" is at once an expression of concern, an offer to serve, and an invitation to play. It proposes a solution to the obvious problem, and it offers the hope of making the cold person feel better. It is absolutely selfless.
"Whoa! You're beautiful!" also states the obvious, but sometimes the beauty is not obvious to the beautiful person, and the statement always makes the beautiful person feel good. Therefore, it's okay to say this, over and over and over again.
We often blurt out these "Whoa! You're ..." observations. Ugly, cute, sleepy, tired, fat, skinny, white, tanned, Chinese, covered with freckles, grumpy, well-fed, well-mannered, ill-mannered ... and the list goes on and on. Why? Why do we even bother?
I wish I'd figured this out years ago.
The next time you can't help yourself and you blurt out an observation like that, reflect on your words. Ask yourself why you said that out loud, and what its purpose was. Figure out whether you should have said it at all (and if not, I hope you feel fucking stupid), or whether you could have chosen different words for a different purpose. Resolve to do better next time.
Choose your words carefully. You have NO IDEA how much power they have. One of my friends put this on his Facebook page: "Words have power. They have the power to build and to destroy, to hurt and to heal. Those who do not understand this concept should not be allowed to use them."
