How to tell if you're too fat: a rule of thumb

Look: I'm not judging fat people, okay? Some very cool people also happen to be fat. It doesn't make them any less cool. So DON'T use this rule of thumb to judge other people. Only use it to judge yourself.

Here's the rule of thumb.

Get buck naked, like in the shower. Stand up straight. Now bend your neck and tip your head down, so your chin is touching your chest. Look straight down.

CHICKS: If your belly sticks out further than your tits, you're too fat.

DUDES: If you can't see your (relaxed) dick cuz your belly is in the way, you're too fat.

This works for all body types, and all sizes and shapes. All of the exceptions you can think of? They don't matter. If this rule of thumb tells you you're too fat, and you disagree, then go try the Body Mass Index (BMI) Calculator at http://www.bmi-calculator.net/. It'll tell you the same thing - every time.

A new rule - don't complain about your fat

I'm going to make a new rule in my house. Nobody - NOBODY - is allowed to complain about being fat, or about their belly being bigger than they want it, unless they're willing to do something about it.

I'm going to extend this rule to parks, restaurants, meeting rooms, and anywhere else that I have to be with people. I am sick and tired of people saying "I'm so fat" or words like that, acting disgusted with themselves, and staying fat.

I really don't mind your being fat; you do. But if you're not going to put out the effort to get skinny, then stop talking about the fat.