Why "You're in America, so Speak English" is a Pile of Bullshit

Boole Sheet

One of the world's great logicians was a man named George Boole, an Englishman who lived from 1815 to 1864, and who is honored, among other things as the father of computer science.

A philosophy professor once developed a worksheet for students to use to trace the logical flow of complicated arguments. He called it a Boole Sheet, in honor of George Boole. Sometimes this worksheet would become so complicated that it looked like a herd of cockroaches had had pencil leads tied to their asses and been released to scurry all over the paper. The logic was impossible to follow, and the argument was said to have filled an entire Boole Sheet.

The expression was eventually shortened to "That argument is full of Boole Sheet." And there you have it.

Okay, that story isn't true at all. The only part that is true is the short biography of George Boole. But if you say "bullshit" with a Spanish accent, it sounds like "boole sheet." And for some reason, that's relevant to the subject of this (non-fiction) article.


Boole Sheet and "Speak English"

One of the biggest pieces of bullshit in the U.S. today (not counting anything that comes out of the White House or the Capitol Building in D.C.) is the "Speak English" movement. Its basic premise is that English is the official language of this nation, and therefore anybody who wants to live here should speak English. Proponents point to the large number of immigrants who have become successful in America precisely because they learned to speak English. They point to the Chinese and Japanese immigrants, whose children can speak English even before they get here. And they point to the fact that the founding documents and governing documents of this nation are, and have always been, written in English.

But when all is said and done, they always come back to their basic premise: "You're in America, so speak English.

Here are four counterarguments to that basic premise. You may dismiss some of these arguments as disingenuous, but they're meant to show that some of  "Speak English" arguments are too simplistic.

1. America is a big place.

America is two continents, connected by an isthmus. And a few hundred islands. There are 23 countries in North America, and 12 in South America. The vast majority of these countries (and people!) do not speak English. They speak Spanish, Portuguese, and French. Even the largest three countries in North America, have three official languages: English, French, and Spanish. So when you say "This is America," you're painting with too broad a brush.

Outside of the U.S., when people say "America," they mean "North and South America." If you mean "the United States of America," then say so.

However, for the rest of this article, we'll slip back into the vernacular usage, and depend on sentence context to make our meaning clear.

2. "Learn to speak English, you immigrant. My (immigrant) ancestors did." Um, not all of them did.

Cheech and Chong's parody movie and song, "Born in East L.A.," illustrates the fact that some second- and third-generation Americans (back to the vernacular usage of the term) grew up speaking Spanish. While most of them are bilingual, some can speak only Spanish. It's not their fault. They have never needed to speak English.

In San Francisco's Chinatown, you will find many people age 30 and older who do not speak English. They have never needed to.

I do agree that if you're going to speak English, you should speak good English, not the doggerel that passes for a local or ethnic dialect. But that's not an immigration issue.

3. "We were here first." NO, YOU WEREN'T.

I love this one. I salivate every time I hear this one, because I want to chew the speaker's ass off.

I used to work with a man of Hispanic descent. His family had lived for generations on a ranch near Pueblo, Colorado. When you asked him where his ancestors were from, he said "Mexico." But then he will tell you that they have lived on the same land for 300 years.

Confused? Go look at the maps in your history book. Until February, 1848, the area now known as Pueblo, Colorado was part of Mexico. My co-worker's grandmother still has the original land grant from the king of Spain, deeding the property to her ancestors hundreds of years before. They have never moved, but wars have been fought and boundaries have been redrawn, so that what was once in Mexico is now in the U.S.A. But his family are not immigrants. They are a powerful rebuttal to the "Speak our language, because we were here first" argument. And they are not the only ones. There's an even more ancient claim.

Until 1831, the Cherokee Indian nation was a confederation of legal entities known as the Five Civilized Tribes. They lived in what is now the southeastern United States. Modern Americans still think of American Indians as savages on horseback, living a relatively uncivilized life. The Five Civilized Tribes did not fit this picture at all. They adopted European ways almost as soon as they met the Europeans. They wore European-style clothing. They had brick buildings with glass windows and fireplaces. They even had European-style outhouses. They were an autonomous society, with their own government, judicial system, language, monetary system, economy, commerce, schools, police, and so on. Then the U.S. government decided they wanted the land the Cherokees legally owned, and so in 1831 they moved them at gunpoint to what is now Oklahoma. Of the 130,000 Cherokees who were forcibly relocated, 60,000 died en route. The U.S. government tried to eradicate their language and other institutions, and to force them to learn English. I doubt that the "We were here first" argument would have saved the Cherokee nation.

4. They're here to stay. "Thank you, muchas gracias."

The immigrants are here to stay, whether you like it or not. Most of them are not taking jobs from Americans. Oh, they are getting jobs all right, but the jobs they're taking are ones that Americans are too proud (or lazy, or chicken) to take and do not want. Most of those workers are legal immigrants or have legal work permits, and have the paperwork to prove it.

So how should we treat them? With courtesy! They're human beings, with families to care for and mouths to feed, just like you. If they perform a service for you, they should be treated the same way you treat your stockbroker or your real estate agent. But let's add a twist to it. Now, listen carefully, you stupid, self-absorbed Americans!

If you can tell that the person who has assisted you speaks Spanish, then you say "Thank you." And then, in the same breath you say, without pause, "Muchas gracias." You're not showing off your language skills, or your superiority over them; on the contrary, you are simply and sincerely acknowledging their humanity.

It's that simple.

So, what now?

The world is a big place, and English is not the only language spoken in the civilized or free world. If you want to become a citizen of the world, then learn to speak a second language. I suggest that Spanish is the most immediately useful second language for you to learn. Expecting everyone else to learn English is unrealistic and selfish, and any justification for doing so is just a pile of Boole Sheet.